PMS & DH Dilemma
Last couple of days , I have been so emotional and hormonal. 9 months back I would have passed it on as PMS, and it would have lasted for just a week. During the last 9 months,i could have passed it on as ” Hormones”.But now,I don’t think its any of those. Or may be its the new PMS- Pre motherhood syndrome!
I feel so lost and over-the edge all the time. I feel that time is rushing by and there is so much I want to do. For starters, I want to spend a lot of quality time with DH! Lately, we both seem to be doing our own things, each one preoccupied with his/her thoughts.I keep nesting..Nesting and More nesting. I have rearranged the kitchen cupboards at least 3 times and redone the clothes closets- God knows how many times and still find it messy! I am wondering how it will be once the baby is here..will I be able to do a good job with her? Will I be able to manage everything as I planned? OR will there be some hitches ?Or is there something that I havent thought of?
DH is preoccupied with changing his career path, trying to make some major decisions. I know with the baby coming anytime now, he feels rushed too.And he is trying to help me at home, trying to finish off his work so that he can spend more time at home later when we become a threesome.But I want to spend some more time together as a twosome. I feel guilty for feeling this way and God knows, We have both been looking forward to having this baby. But at the same time, I cant help but feel that these are the last few days that we will ever be alone .And what are we doing..? going grocery? or shopping for other essentials? or just lazing on the couch watching TV! Yeah, yeah.. according to DH , we are spending all the time together except when he is at work . But I feel spending time together is not just this. We should be talking more. I know making plans can be overwhelming, but just fun talks..I remember our dating days , when we would spend an entire evening together and then still spend hours on the phone, talking till almost sunrise. Sure, we were just beginning to know each other then and we weren’t living together then, but we were talking.. Nothing in particular most of the times.
This weekend when DH was working again and I was sitting on the couch, feeling low, he came and hugged me and asked me what the matter was. I told him I was just feeling low, and he tells me- why don’t you call up your sister and talk to her. I said- No i don’t want to. then he says, call up Tina.Now,Tina is my best friend and we share almost everything.But at that moment the only person I wanted to talk to was DH! Is it so hard to understand?Why has he changed so much?
Same story yesterday. Yesterday, I decided not to say anything. I mean he is the one who claimed that just one look at my face and he could tell something was bothering me. He just had to hear my voice and he could tell I was upset or happy. So, I didn’t say anything and just went to bed and snuggled up with my book. He came a little while later and tried talking.
I didn’t say much.He tried again,I answered in one liners.The charade continued for some time and then he broke down. He told me what was bothering him and why he was quiet and preoccupied. What both hurt and pleased me at the same time was that he didn’t want to share his worries with me because I was as it as overwhelmed with the changes in my body, hormones and not to mention the pain because of baby pushing down.
He just needed to take some time-out to figure out how to best deal with his problems at work and look for options. While I was hurt that he didn’t share his worries with me as he used to..I was also happy that he was thinking of me all the time.
HE was still the same! He was still thinking of me and trying to make me comfortable! OH! he is such a sweetheart! And I fell in love with him all over again.This time even more deeply.