Fighting in front of your kids

When we first started thinking of having babies, there were so many things that we discussed.. how we would raise them, what we would name them,how we would never fight in their presence..Lots of other stuff changed. Our parenting ideas changed.. we would have never imagined 2 years back that we would take such a laid back-at-times-prompt-at-others approach..The names that we thought of the first time we ever spoke about having kids are lost somewhere in between.. but we were still very sure of one thing ..That we would never fight in front of our kids. And we broke that rule today.
DH and I were talking about a sensitive issue and that led to heated exchanges. Aadya was there on our bed.She kept going back and forth with her eyes from DH to me to DH.She would then look at one of us and smile, we would smile back at her, but still continued arguing. The poor baby,I think she sensed the tension and we saw a pout beginning to form, the lower lip beginning to quiver.DH picked her up,I kissed her, she was still whining.. looking at us- one person at a time and whining.. My poor baby, our sweet little angel..we stopped fighting and began consoling her..played with her, made her smile and coo..Such a little person but she understands everything… she is a part of everything!Frankly, before Aadya came along, a fight about this issue would have gone on endlessly.. but not any more.
We made up immediately and I am sure she forgot about it too.. but I am just feeling so so guilty.We promised never to fight when she is around again.I know there will be many more arguments and fights .. but,I hope we can keep her away from the unpleasantness. I couldn’t sleep and so decided to write , so that the next time I am upset and ready to fly off the handle,I hope I have the sense to stop and read this post.
How do you all manage to keep the fights away from your kids and if by chance, they happen to witness a disagreement, how do you deal with it? I would love to hear from you all on this one.

Posted on June 6, 2007, in parenting, Tales from Aadyaland. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. take a day/argument/incident at a time and learn from them. it takes lots of practice.. you guys are still new parents! don’t feel bad but learn from your mistakes. AW

  2. If if you have argument without insults and yelling – I think it would be healthy and beneficial for them to see how to have arguments and come to compromises or productive solutions. I’m thinking this would work when they’re much older though.Although in the heat of the moment I doubt pple think about making arguments learning lessons lol.

  3. Sahithi's Mom...

    We had thought the same. We wont argue in front of our child..But That’s just so difficult for both of us, considering not a single week passed with out an argument/fight before she was born :)We have definetly toned down the voices, we try to argue like two resonable adults, make it sound like a conversation. It works sometimes, sometimes it does not.The moment we go into yelling phase, Sahithi closes her ears and starts singing ” My ears are hurting, my ears are hurting” and we stop that very instant..

  4. We have had our share of arguments, all wild and loud and when we just can’t stop. We hug her, kiss her and most times she is sitting at my hips while I am doing the tandav. But the frequency has reduced and so has the tone.

  5. Thanx AW- You always make me feel great about rock !Zahra,thanx for visiting and commenting.”My ears are hurting” so cute.. I am sure my little one is going to do the same!Hahahah Sunita,I can picturise that scene..Even forsee us there.. 🙂 Thanx for stopping by!

  6. We dont fight in front of brat because we know it distresses him, so we just keep at the barbed comments till he is asleep and then let go, unfortunately we cant go to the next room and have a spat since MIL lives with us, that calms us down…did a post on a little fight a little down the line, check that out, you might find it fun…

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