This and that
ILs came and left ..Diwali passed happily-Aadya turned 8 months old..So many things happened,I have been away only a little while but it feels like I have been away forever. Every time I sit down to write,some other pressing work that has-to-be done comes up and I put away the writing for a later time.
Aadya is so mobile now.She is cruising around from room to room so effortlessly.While its fun to watch,I have to keep a constant eye out on her..ALL the TIME! Just last week,she was playing in the living room.I remembered something and went to the walk-in closet in the bedroom. I found what I was looking for and turned..only to find some soft lump hitting my foot. Its this little imp sitting at my feet,looking up adoringly.She reminded me of a small puppy 🙂 And then she raised her hands to be picked up!
So,now she can get to places easily and on her own- which is good because if I am going from one room to another, she happily follows me.. well not always, sometimes she is crying and crawling-crying because the separation anxiety has kicked in and so she doesn’t want me to out of her sight ever! this mobility is not so good.. coz if I put her down and get on with my work,she comes and tugs at my pants and wants to be picked up!It is tiring to constantly lug her around!I am just so tired all the time.If it is possible,every single bone and muscle in body is aching and I can feel all the ache separately. Yesterday for the first time since her birth,I yelled at Aadya and felt so guilty about it later. She had got her flu shot and was being very fussy and I was just too tired and she just wanted to be with me and cry. Sorry baby
And then around end of October or first week of November,I found a lump in my arm-pit.This was around the same time that 2 b’s mom wrote about her lump.It was just so nice to see all your messages to her.One part of me wanted to write about it here and share it with you,and the other was scared to just put it down in writing.So this was a small lump- a little bigger than a pea.. but it scared the hell out of me. That’s how my mom’s cancer had started.I took an appointment with my doctor and she checked it out and said it looked more superficial.So,she put me on a 14 day antibiotic course and come back if it still didn’t go away. Then,the ILs were here and I decided to go back to see the doctor after they left, because it still didn’t go away. So, anyway,I went back last week and the doctor said, it did look smaller but it is deep rooted.But there is a high likelihood that it is because I am still breastfeeding! So,we can wait till I stop breast-feeding or go in for a general surgery to perform a biopsy. DH immediately said that I should wean off Aadya right away.I know he has my best interests at heart, but I am not ready. I know Aadya will do equally well on formula, but I am just not ready.And I don’t want to get any surgery done here..it is going to be so difficult,no one to help-it is going to so stressful for all concerned. So, we are just watching the lump now..hope it stays like that and if at all changes for good.
Last week was my mom’s death anniversary.Every year,its as if on that day,I relive the events that took place on that fateful day. This year though I was distracted with Aadya but still, i don’t know when a silent chill crept up,making me sad and depressed.
And having visitors over for the last few months,suddenly being alone is a welcome change but at the same time,my heart pines for home.. home-back home.Those unexpected knocks on the door, those doily-covered dishes exchanged without any reasons,anytime is time for chai and gupshup..At least you know who your neighbours are -these are just some of the things that I have been thinking about :)I hope we can go home,sometime soon 🙂
And now after all this melancholy,let me share something sweet that made me smile-
Yesterday,Aadya got her flu shot. She knows the nurse at our GP’s office now and was chatting with her and she kept telling her- aww sweetie, you are not going to like me in a few minutes. So, while they were talking,Aadya got her poke -suddenly her eyes became so wide with pain and she started screaming. DH took her from me( remember I am part of the conspiracy)but Aadya turned towards the nurse and started scolding her.
Aadya- frowning-aaa aaa daa baaa
Nurse- I know I am sorry
Nurse- I know baby I am sorry,will you forgive me
Aadya- still mad..ammmmaaa.. unggaa
Nurse- Ohh I know..Ok, you think about it..
And that was it,I couldn’t help but laugh over this serious conversation..and had a smile on my lips every time I thought about it.
Edited to add– Can someone please tell me where Swati is and if SM is blogging again..?I have been meaning to ask about these two favorite bloggers for quiet some time now. if you are both reading, write back 🙂