A letter to me
First of all,I want to say thank you to all those of you,who took the time to vote and even suggest a new name.Thank you!
And now,where was I? Well,I was getting settled in the new apartment!But could that have stopped me from blogging?NO! But a dead internet connection did!And I missed posting on my blog’s birthday!
MY SUNSHINE turned 1 on February 27th.I started it when I was heavily pregnant with Aadya.This blog has been my link to sanity for the last 1 year and it also helped me make some new friends. And more than anything else,I am happy that I am still as addicted to blogging as I was the day I started the blog.
You can read my first post here
This is what I was going to post to mark the first birthday of my blog-I had done a post on DMC and the theme for february was write a letter to yourself-A real honest to goodness love letter about what a wonderful mother you are.Here goes-
It was my birthday on the 19th of February and I had decided to write a small note to myself,telling me how I was doing a good job.That was going to be my gift to myself-to read when I am especially low.So,when I saw the two themes for this month,I knew immediately,what I was going to do.So,here’s my love letter to myself!
So, you are a mom now..sometimes I still can’t believe it..for in my mind’s eye-I still see you as a little girl-sometimes you are just a rebellious teenager,the tomboy who loved babies.That was probably the only thing girlie about you! And now-Look at you! You have a little girl of your own.WOW!
Your baby-it reminds of those months when you were so tensed and desperate to have a baby,the countless pregnancy test strips you used and the battery of tests you went through anxiously,not once but three times.I remember your disappointment and depression but more than that I remember how after every “negative”pregnancy test,you would smile and think.. OH.. so there is still a next time. All your friends were getting pregnant and almost always you were one of the first few to know the news.I really admire you for always being happy for them..You were never ever envious.I was and am really proud of you for that! And may be that’s why you were blessed with this miracle called Aadya.
The day you heard those magical words -“You are PREGNANT”-I knew you were in for something big!What I didn’t know was how well you would change to new situation.You,who always promptly forgot to take her medicine,the day after you visited a doctor,was suddenly so diligent about those progesterone supplements that you had to take for the whole of first trimester-you even remembered to take you prenatal vitamins.And what you did with your diet to keep your sugars in control after finding out about gestational diabetes-awesome!You did well!Every time you were feeling low,you would come out of it.thinking its all for the baby,its worth it! My dear girl,you were already a mom,even before having a baby.
Though I thought it was weird at the time,but you were so nonchalant about the possibility of having a C-section.Now I think it was really brave of you,for so many have balked at just the mere mention of the C word. And it was out of sheer determination that you walked from your room,to the nursery,to see your baby just minutes after getting the IV and catheter out.But,I need to make sure everything is OK,you said.
Breastfeeding presented another challenge and you hit it head on! There again,I was pleasantly surprised.You just didn’t give up. Even after having been told by the Lactation consultant,that may be its not meant to be,you kept trying and trying and you succeeded.If Aadya is a breast-fed baby today,its all because of your persistence.She cried,you cried,S got all upset-every 3 hours was a fresh start but you kept at it.I cannot praise you enough here.I am so proud of you !
You started giving her massages,when she was just 6 days old-forgetting about your own discomfort and pain from the surgery-you didn’t want her to miss out on any pampering,just because she is not in India surrounded by a houseful of relatives.You wanted to do everything for her yourself,even if you were exhausted beyond belief.”But no one else can do what a mom can” is what you said..and I agree with you on this one.And Aadya could hold her head up at one month old was reward enough for you! I admire you for having forgotten your own pain,to do something to comfort her. I am really proud of you for putting up a brave front when S fell sick and being strong for him and little Aadya.
When you had to take a decision about whether or not to take your 17day old baby to get her ECG done,you decided instantly,that its better to get it checked than procrastinate.You who would wait forever before deciding to go to a doctor-Good show!This new attitude of yours makes me happy.
The first time Aadya started throwing up violently and you guys had to rush her to ER, you were so calm and collected.Even when Aadya looked up at you and moaned and I know,that moment your heart broke into a million tiny pieces,but you held back tears,held her close and even managed to tell everything to the doctor without forgetting even the tiniest details. I guess that’s what being is mom is…and I must tell you,you are doing a good job.
She is thriving,she is a happy baby(knock on the wood) and she is smart and confident too.Surely that means something.Surely you are doing something right.Her dad is a big part of her life but he knows and agrees that you are one cool Mamma!Every time she says Mamma,I know your heart swells up with pride…and listen try not to worry,the separation anxiety will slowly go away- that doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong.Its a phase,so honey,please don’t take it personally.
Ohh and its OK to lose your head sometimes… don’t feel guilty every time you get angry-You are a mom but you are human too…And don’t feel guilty every time,she cries when you stop her from doing something…its OK,its for her own good.After all you are the first one who rushes to pick up and hug her,when she needs something or is hurt. For all the times that you are strict with Aadya,for all the times you stop her from doing something and she breaks into tears,and you hold back your tears- Good job! For I know its not easy for you to not break into tears.Just keep up the good work..And if you need a breather,crazy old me is always around.
You are a great mom, be good, take care of Aadya and her papa but don’t forget to take care of yourself!
Love and hugs,
Cross-posted at DMC