She Loves Me!
Yes! she does!
When Ananya was a newborn,I often wondered if she recognized me,whether she knew that I was her mother.And I felt guilty-of course it was my fault,for having failed her,by being asleep,when she was getting born.
After she was born,I was unconscious for 8 hours and she was deprived of her mother for that time.SD,her father was her first parent.He was the one who gave her the first feed(EBM that I expressed before going into surgery),he was the one who held her and kept her warm..And so,when she didn’t keep staring into my eyes(like her sister did!),I felt cheated,I felt like I had missed out on the bonding time with her.
The days after her birth were so different from the days after Aadya’s birth. The first time round,we forgot about the rest of the world and the only thing that mattered or EXISTED was our baby.And it was just the three of us.. everything else seems to have faded away.
BUT the second time around,we had Aadi..we had to watch her moods,keep her happy and include her in everything,which is what I had planned all along. Then there was my aunt and my cousin and my sister who arrived when Nanya turned a week old.And everyone wanted to hold the baby..which was nice..but as a new mother,I was very protective,both the times.Heck I didn’t even want to share my babies with their father..everyone else was secondary!LOL!Anyway,I digress.. so,when Anan was a newborn,she liked SD’s voice better than mine(it felt like that,then!).She seemed peaceful when she was next to her sister.And all I got was angry crying.And every time,she cried,the guilt trip started. As she got older,and starting engaging in longer eye-contact,my doubts started to fade,but not the guilt. Heck the guilt still raises its ugly head,every now and again.But,atleast,now I don’t question whether she loves me.
How can I?For she showers me with so much love,every minute that she is awake..it blows me away.Really,it does! As soon as she wakes up,she walks out of the bedroom,almost sleep walking till she finds me,usually in the kitchen.And then she breaks into a wide grin and lifts her hands for me to pick her up.When I do,she hugs me tight..Ohhh the sweet smell of a just woken baby…it awakens your senses better than a cup of Java! We go about our morning routines,with her chattering and calling out to me,even when I am with her 🙂
We get back home,after school drop-off and she follows me around,while I cook our breakfast. She plays next to my legs,sometimes sitting on my feet….She swaps food,picks something from my plate,feeds me some from hers…wants to look in my cup,every single time!
Breakfast done,we go about our day.She keeps running back to me,to check on me and hug me..and screams,”My Mummy”.If I am sitting down,she has to sit down on my lap..and keeps grabbing my hands,away from the keyboard! I used to get frustrated,but now I expect it and just give her my full attention.
She pinches my cheeks,calls me cutie,she touches my face and forehead.If I am angry or yell at her,she comes and kisses me.When she is sitting in my lap,she keeps kissing my hand.A few days back,she was playing near my feet and started kisses my feet..I asked her,”Nanyaaa what are you doing?”And she said..”Nanyaa loves you”…#Heart-about-to-burst-with-pride moment#
Ohh and yesterday night,she surprised me by saying,”Love you too” ..Another heart-about-to-burst-with-pride moment 🙂 I might be sounding like a broken record,but I can’t get over it. All her cute ways of expressing her love..keep getting cuter and cuter.
Today,I took Aadya for a play-date,while Anan was home with SD.When we came back,she squealed with joy,when she saw me.Aadi tried to hug her and she ran away and came and hugged me. Aadi pouted,”She doesn’t care about me”..I said,”She is just excited to see Mumma after a long time” Aadi argued,”But she hasn’t seen me for a longer time”..and it was true.As we,Nanya and I,sat cuddling and playing,it dawned on me,yet again,that she loves me…thinks the world of me…and I remembered my days of self-doubt..and hence,this post.I leave you with a pic of my love-heart,she was so excited,that I was sitting next to her in the car.