Category Archives: Memories

Wish Heaven had a phone..

Wish Heaven had a phone..

Today would’ve been my mom’s 57th birthday.This morning when I woke up,I checked facebook only to find a photo of hers.My sister had used photoshop and added my mom’s picture to a group photo. OMG!I know it was photo-shopped..I know it was not real..but it was so nice to see my mom in the same frame as my husband and babies..and more importantly my dad.
Seeing that picture made me happy and yet so sad and filled my heart with so much yearning for all that could have been. Not a day goes by when I don’t wish for her to still be alive.In my mind,I go through the various scenarios,that would’ve panned out differently,if she was still here.
Oh dear…how I wish I could just talk to her,update her about the kids activities,tell her how they are driving me up the wall or confer about a new recipe or tell her about what SD said. I have spent most of the day feeling so choked up or crying,every time I looked at the picture..I wish I had a magic wand and I could just change things..Or At least if heaven had a phone,I could just call her and cry and then,she would just ask me to stop it or being a typical mom,ask me to grow up 🙂 And all would be fine.
But no..I don’t have a magic wand and heaven doesn’t have a phone..so I’ll just have to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and go on..meeting whatever challenges life throws at me,in the only way I know-head on with a big smile on my face..
Until next time…..

Nanya-speak and more…

Six and a half years ago,when I first started this blog,it was my only voice.I could come here and write about my deepest,darkest feelings.Over the years,I have gone through several writers’ blocks..but not one of them has been as bad as this one. I finally figured it out why..I have started using facebook as a blog..Every little thing that happens,ends up on facebook..the instant comments are addictive!LOL!
Honestly,I started writing this post 3 days back and still haven’t finished it.But then,when I have some time on hand,I like to read my old posts and after one such reading,I realized that I have missed writing about so many of Anan’s milestones and cute activities. I have missed out on writing about conversations with Aadi..And as if this continues,I’ll have literally no written memories of these two years.So,I have penciled in ‘blogging time’ in my day,every single day…a time when I will just do,what I love the most-writing my thoughts out.I’ll turn off facebook and the cellphone(I can access FB from the mobile too).
Anyway,speaking of Ananya,she turned 2 years and 2 months and 2 weeks today. LOL!I didn’t plan to blog today,but its just a happy co-incidence.So my favorite toddler,Anan,ofcourse,calls herself “Nanya” and speaks in Third person about herself- “Nanya no like it”,”Nanya crying”,”Nanya wants chai-coco”.Chai-coco is Nanya-speak for chocolate milk.
I finally weaned her off,two months before her second birthday,but we still struggled to get her to drink cow’s milk.And she starting getting sick- extreme colds,coughs and diarrhea. The cold and cough turned into ear-infection and a repeat ear-infection but the diarrhea didn’t stop,even after the mandatory wait of two weeks after the antibiotics were finished.She lost so much weight and completely went off food. Then,we found out that she was lactose intolerant. So now for about 2 months ( since August first week) we’ve been giving her Lactose free milk.And she loves it.There were no dramas at all about drinking the new milk.And she knows that she cannot drink the other milk. It makes me happy and breaks my heart at the same time,that she is so little,yet she knows.If I am distracted and pick up the wrong milk jar,she yells,”No Mumma,Nanya Want Nanya chai”..And thankfully the diarrhea has disappeared too.
Nanya loves her Aadu..she does.This morning,she was sleeping,when SD dropped Aadi at school.After she woke up,we were getting ready to go out,I dressed her up and she started looking for Aadya and wouldn’t believe me when I told her Aadi was at school.Its heartwarming seeing them hug each other,after school.And it is frustrating,when they fight over the smallest of things.
We had Spring break last 2 weeks and every single day,they would both wake up at 6:30am..EVERY single day of the vacation.And today,the first day of school,I woke up Aadi at 7:45am and she she complained about not getting enough sleep and as for Nanya,I had to wake her up at 9:00 am,because we were getting late for our appointment!LOL
Anyway,its time to go pick up Aadi..so,I better stop..will be back with another post,tomorrow 🙂

Life’s Simple Pleasures-2

Today at snack time,I was all out of fruit..well I had Kiwi and orange,but Aadi had already eaten orange in the morning and wasn’t in a mood for Kiwi.I asked her if she wanted a paratha..She said,if I wrap it,which is Aadya-speak for roll it.I said yes,and sprinkled some sugar on it and rolled it up.
I remembered a childhood treat of tup-saakhar -poli.Tup means Ghee in marathi,saakhar-Sugar and poli is chapati.
For a quick snack,mom would smear some home-made ghee on a chapati,sprinkle some sugar and make a roll and hand it to us on a plate.As we got older,the roll would be filled with some vegetable or omlette.I am sure,most of you,who grew up in India,must have had this snack with a similar filling.My dad still saves his last half chapati,to eat it this way..thats his simple dessert!
Coming back to the present..My American born,Australian raised daughter,loved it and even asked for seconds…I almost laughed thinking of all the people,who commented,about how she looks Indian..despite being born in Amrika!LOL!!DUH..she has Indian Genes na?If it wasn’t so irritating I would have laughed on their face.
Oh..and the roll was too tempting,I had one with my chai as well..without the sugar..Dunked it in my chai,the old-fahioned way..chewing in the salty paratha,with the sweetness of chai..aah bliss..
Oh and I just recieved my first guest post..will post it in the morning.
Ciao my lovelies..more later..

Lakheri Trip-1

If home is where the heart is,I have left pieces of my heart,in all the places that I have lived at.My memories of this world,start in Lakheri,a small town in Rajasthan.My dad grew up there and joined the cement factory,as a chemist.Its the one place he considers home..and I spent the first 9 years of my life,there.
When I went to India,in October,2009..dad was really excited about taking Aadi to see his hometown and I agreed.I am in love with the place.This trip really was about reconnecting with the roots.
So on 3rd Dec,we left for Lakheri(LKE) by the night train.We got to the Bandra terminus at 10PM and guess what the train is running more than 3 hours late.Killing 3 hours at home or even in the train or at the airport is alright..but at a crowded railway platform with a toddler in tow..nightmare!
Fortunately,she didn’t think that way..she thought,it was just the place to run away and hide from mom and masi..giving them mini-panic attacks,every 5 minutes.My sister suggested,we go and get some munchies for her,to keep her occupied.But,my dad had disappeared..and we were stuck,gaurding the luggage.Oh and not to mention,bear all the lewd stares..It was sickening.

Dad just has to disappear everytime,we are on the railway station and everytime the train stops at a station,he has to get down and look around.No wonder,he doesn’t like travelling by local trains.Anyway,after 3-4 calls,from sis,and threats of abandoning the luggage,he came back,with water and VadaPav.We then,went and got some munchies for Aadi.Somehow the 3 hours passed and the train arrived.We got in,found our seats.Only 2 seats were confirmed and 1 was on wait-list.Dad spoke to the TC and we got the third berth after around 6 AM.This was Aadi’s first train journey..and my dad booked the tickets atleast one and half month in advance..and all the trains were packed..we managed to get this reservation in 2nd AC.

Ohh..in front of us,was a couple,who couldn’t keep their hands off each other and insisted on doing it on the lower berth.I am not a big fan of PDA,but I feel,to each its own..but it just got very embarassing..there was my dad,another old couple,my sis and aadi..and 1 more guy!And the funny thing is,they had a top berth..why not use that for your hanky-panky?Anyway,thank God they got off at 9 AM…I woke up to drink some water at 7 AM and they were ‘at it’ loudly! I almost gagged!

The rest of the journey was quiet uneventful..Only my sister,had to sleep on the floor,till 6 AM.That and Aadi insisted on using the toilet!This girl,refused to use the clean toilet at my ILs and wanted to use the dirty Central Railway toilets!My heart was running faster than the train,everytime I took her to the toilet,because the door of the compartment was always open!

We reached LKE at 3.30 pm and someone had come to pick us from the station.My dad and his family is very loved and respected in LKE.When we were younger,we used to call ourselves,’Princess’ of LKE.So,this ‘uncle R'(everybody is uncle,na) walked past my sister..ignored me,struggling with my bag and a clumpsy Aadi,insisting on pulling a bag,twice her size and went up to my dad,did the bent Namaste to him,and took the bag from him and walked off.Dad went with him,getting updates about everything under the sun..Sis rolled her eyes,and mouthed “Raja ji”..(My dad is like the uncrowned prince there!) .

While in the train,I felt an Asthma attack coming on,but,didn’t pay too much attention.We had to climb up the huge staircase on the platform and I had to stop twice..I climbed up and had to sit down on the bridge before going forward.We got home..and I couldn’t even go from one room to another without huffing and puffing.Uncle R was summoned again and he and aunty M took me to the hospital.Aunty M lives in and takes care of my dad’s ancestral home.Our family and hers have known each other for more than 3 generations and she is a very important part of our family now.

To be Continued

The Ganpati weekend

It was a good weekend.It really was.

Saturday started off early,since Sanj had to take the car for servicing..and Aadi was sleeping.So,I had the house to myself.I actually lounged around-stretched out on the couch,without having to share it with someone,without someone climbing all over me,wanting to see Mui(aaduspeak for movie) on the laptop..Just me and my cup of tea and my laptop..Ahhhh bliss!

She woke up about half an hour before Sanj arrived..we finished her brekky and then,we went out for breakfast.Nothing fancy just Mc.Cafe around the corner.

We were invited to a dinner party,followed by surprise midnight cake cutting.That went quiet well too.The birthday boy quiet surprised by the whole decorated house and cake..The dinner was at his place and then the husbands(who had been coached earlier) decided to go for an impromptu drink.In the meantime,we decorated the place,brought the cake out..etc.We came home at around 2.00 AM.

The next day was Hartalika and Ganesh Chaturthi.

Hartalika has a magical meaning for me.Its memories date back to my childhood.I remember being very excited because Hartalika marked the beginning of festive season.

The story behind this day is-Parvati wanted to marry Lord Shiva.She had started thinking of him as her husband.But for some reason,her father was not in favor for the match and didnt want to ask Shiva.So,Parvati,went to the forest with a friend and started praying there.She continued her penance for years before Lord Shiva answered her prayers and appeared before her.

This is just from my memory..you can find more about Hartalika on Google.

So,my memories:)

Yes,my memories are of- Mom waking us up early.Then,after bath,we would go to collect different flowers and leaves from the garden.Atleast 5 types of flowers and 5 types of leaves.

By the time,we returned,mom would have set up the pooja.

The Pooja was then,decorated with these flowers and leaves and fruits.Mom would fast fast whole day,eating only an occasional fruit or drinking a cup of milk at night.
I always loved this fast..because there was a story to it.There is the fact that with determination you can achieve what you desire..and there is that fairy tale romance factor.
I realised yesterday that I have been fasting on this day for over 20 years now..:)I started when I was 7.

So,on Sunday,I finished the Pooja and then,started making Modaks.

And may I tell you,I got reconverted..I have been using frozen grated coconut for about 5 years now.But this year,I used fresh coconut..and the taste was wowwwwwwwwww.

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So the Modaks were made and then we did the Aarti.And our own inhouse Ganpati,kept creepinginching towards the bowl containing modak.It was like her fingers were itching to pick up one and pop it in her mouth.The shine in her eyes,when I removed the lid of the modak bowl was priceless.

First time,we chided her gently,telling her,it was for Ganpati Bappa..and after we finished the Aarti,she could have one.

Ok she said with a sad face.Then,we started the Aarti and she slowly crawled towards the bowl again.We rang the bell in her face..She tried to climb her way up to Baba,asking him softly for one.Finally the Aartis ended..Thank Ganpati for small mercies.

The Modak was promptly handed over..a jig was done and the little Ganpati,took her precious treat to her favorite corner seat of the couch and dug in..asking for “some more” when that was done with.

Can I tell you how much it pleased my heart? 🙂

It was a nice celebration.I am glad Aadi is enjoying the festival and the Modaks as much as we do..

Ganpati Bappa Morya.
I leave you with a picture of the little Diva praying 🙂
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Leaving behind things,not memories

It has been a very emotional day for us today.We finally made up our mind and cleaned the garage.And that meant removing or getting rid of a lot of Aadi’s stuff that she hadn’t been using-like her swing,the walker,play-pen. I had no intentions of giving up this stuff..These things had too much of emotional value,but sometimes,you need to be practical. All this stuff was just taking up a lot of room and it was all in a very good condition,at least someone else could use it. So, we decided to go to Once upon A Child.The first emotional breakdown happened when,Sanj was loading all the stuff in the car.Since,everything was already packed we didn’t need to do much. But the walker was unpacked.Aadi saw it..and started playing with it.Even climbed in and out of it..all by herself!!!! So,it was the right time to give it away. As soon as Sanj picked it up, she started crying,screaming..Nahi nahi nahi..NOOOOOOOOOOO No no no…And she was inconsolable. She was crying so hard and for so long,we decided to let her keep the walker for some more time. But soon,she got interested in other stuff,and forgot about it. Of course,not before sulking and giving cold treatment to Papa!

At OUAC,they opened all the boxes -first the play pen-the lady there set it up so effortlessly,and to think,we struggled every time,we put it up. But with the opening of that first box,all the memories came flooding. Suddenly I could see everything like it was happening in front of me-everything from choosing the brand and style to seeing Aadi in it the first time.

I remembered how I used to spend hours looking for just the right stroller/swing/play-pen..then forward my searches to Sanj,then we would go visit a few stores to see the shortlisted ones. We put together each of these things,with me reading the instruction manual and Sanj,following my instructions.We couldn’t wait to see the baby using these things.

I remembered the first time,I put Aadya in the play pen..It had become her makeshift crib or her day-time bed. I used to keep it in the living room or the den. It had a detachable mobile,which would play music and nature sounds..and every time,Aadya was fidgetty,I would play the sound of water,cooing to her softly..saying again and again,ohh wow..just like mumma tummy..and it used to always calm her down.

I remembered her waving her fist and cooing and gurgling to the teddies hanging from the mobile.This mobile didn’t move.So,Sanj used to move it manually and she would coo,and they would be at it for hours together..It was so hard,seeing it there,in a strange place..I felt like we were giving away a part of our life.

Then,they set up the swing..The swing had become sort of a life saver for me. But the first few days were rough. Aadi would start crying the moment we put her in the swing. I have a video(courtesy Sanj) of me sitting on the floor, slowly rocking her,and she is crying and holding my fingers tight..and all the while,I kept telling her..Oh wow..aap toh swing main baithe ho(* you are sitting in the swing) and some other random blabbering..that I dont even remember now..And she kept crying all the time.She was a little over 1 month. So,Sanj suggested that we should let her sleep and then slowly put her in the swing,so that when she wakes up,she realises she is in a safe place.We did..and it worked. And then,life was so much easier.We had hot meals on the table,thanks to this wonderful entertainer.I would pull it up,near the kitchen entrance and finish my work-cooking cleaning etc,while she watched me,or listened to music or even dozed off.
Seeing them,set up the swing,Sanj also got all emotional,he squeezed my shoulders and said..”you remember the first time,we put her there” and I said..”I do..but please don’t make it harder for me”.
Then,they saw the stroller..Aadi slept in it one last time,just before we gave it away.And just before giving it away,I figured out that there was some sort of shield,to make it into a cozy crib.We had deliberated so much over the choice of the stroller,we had decided on the brand..but it was the color and pattern,that we were debating on. We knew it was a girl,so,I wanted to get a pink one. But we hadn’t disclosed it to our families, and so Sanj didn’t want them to feel offended and wanted us to go with a neutral color.Finally,we chose a denim with a cute pink trimming,but almost everyone thought,it was a boy’s stroller .And we used it extensively and it was beginning to show signs of wear and tear. It was time to give it up
Aadi woke up as soon as I lifted her out of the stroller. Sanj came forward and took her from me,as if he needed to feel his baby girl close to him. He took her to see her swing and told her how,we had put her in it,when she was a baby..I distractedly caught snatches of their talk,as I tried to concentrate on what the lady at the store was telling me.
When I finished,I saw the cutest thing ever-Sanj told Aadi-Chotu,we are going to leave your swing here..you used to sit on it when you were a baby..chalo,lets say bye..kissie kar do isko( give it a kiss) and Aadi,went forward and gently planted a kiss on the swing.
My heart broke,I just wanted to pick up everything and put it back in the car.These were my memories and I didn’t want to leave them there..I didn’t want to SELL them or give them away.But then,in this Nomadic life,its so hard to keep collecting things..I knew I couldn’t afford to take them back..another move may be on the cards,real soon and then,I would have to leave these things behind anyway.
My only consolation is all the pictures and videos that I have..that way,my memories will be safe..
We used the money that we got from selling this stuff,to finally get the new stroller that we had been putting off.We had initially planned on getting a cheaper stroller..but,when we went to the store,we really loved this stroller.But it was way beyond our budget..and as a rule,we never charge any of Aadi’s things to the Credit card. The money we got at OUAC just added up perfectly to our original budget and now Aadi has a brand new stroller.Its still in the box..I will share pictures when I click some.
Editted to add :For some reason,I am not able to create a link for Once upon a Child..But here is the site
http://www.ouac.com

Why I want a second one

This is a post I wrote for Desi Mom’s club.

The theme this month is-Sibling Love

First off,lovely theme,Mummyjaan. Its the perfect theme for me,since,I spent this entire month,thinking of my sister,M and eagerly anticipating her visit and she arrives tomorrow.I am also really looking forward to hearing from mommies with 2 or more kids. As most of you know,I am one of the other mommies,one of those who are still enjoying the precious first one. But,one thing I am sure of,I want a second one. And I was sure of this even before having Aadya. And friends and cousins would tease me,”Oh wait till you have one..And then,you’d say I am DONE!” Funnily,I am not. Every time I see a mommy walking by with two kids,I picture Aadya with her younger brother or sister..and the image makes me smile.If I think seriously,why I want two-I think it is most definitely because of the relationship I share with M. We are like normal sisters and that means a lot of bickering,a lot of cribbing..but that also means a lot of caring and a lot of love. More than anything else,I know,she will be there for me,whenever I need her.And that is really reassuring. That is what every parent wants for their child,that steady person,in his or her life,whom they can depend on without hesitation.We had our share of sibling rivalry too.I didn’t particularly like being the responsible one, watching over my baby-sister all the time. But,I couldn’t stand it if someone tried to pick on her. Then,I would turn defensive and hit out at the said person. Slowly over the years,roles have changed and she is the responsible one and I get to be the baby..that I like :)That’s the kind of sibling,I want for Aadya,someone she can fight with..but run right back to.Someone whom she can call up,when we are old and senile and giving her a hard time about her new Boy-friend. Sure they will have their rough patches and sure there will be days,when I will be pulling my hair off and ready to give them both up for adoption, but there will be also be double hugs and not to mention,comfort in the knowledge,that they will have each other,after we are dead and gone. I sometimes wonder though,how will I manage a new born and Aadya both together and then,I think of M, again. So many years of my life,I begrudgingly sharing my room with her and now,I would give anything to share a room with her again..Strange are the ways of life.One episode from our childhood,always stands out in memory and I would like to share that with you,before I go.M was always sick as a child.She used to have prolonged bouts of Asthama and she had to be kept indoors,all the time. So,when I got ready to go out and play,my mom would change her clothes and dress her up smartly too. And then,M would take her regular position by the window. One time we were playing catch and the boy,who was chasing,ran up to me and grabbed me..I tried to run away,and he pushed me and I fell down.In the heat of the game,I still wanted to escape and he tried to stop me by almost sitting on me. We were around 5-6years old and li’l M around 3-4 and she saw this. And she started screaming..”Leave my sister”,”Don’t do anything to her”.. She was so angry, she was holding the window rails,gnawing teeth,screaming non-stop,till my mom finally came and picked her up and pacified her.Every time,we had a fight,my mom used to remind us of this episode and we would promptly make up..Even now,when I think of it,I can’t help but smile.I am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow and spending some quality time with her..and all of you,out there,keep your fingers crossed and send up a little prayer for Aadya to get a loving sibling like her auntie M.
Oh and here is the post, I wrote about her,almost one year back.