This post is probably going to be as confusing as its title.
Today,as I was putting Aadi to bed,I was thinking of my mother. The reason being,my glasses.Many many years ago,a routine eye exam revealed that I was near-sighted and needed glasses.I was very upset and didn’t find the glasses very appealing.Like a normal,almost teenage girl,I thought the glasses spoiled my looks,and would shy away from wearing them,most of the time.Its another story that because of my vanity,I am almost blind now.Anyway,my mom would keep reminding me to wear my glasses.If I was lying in bed and reading,holding the book too close to my face,she would ask me to sit up and wear my glasses.It was like she was my glasses-police.
Over the years,I outgrew the vanity and realised that the glasses are not so unbecoming after all. And though now,I use contact lens when I go out,most of the day,I wear my glasses.Sometimes even go out wearing my glasses.Now at home,Aadi is my specs-police.She just doesn’t let me take off my glasses.Even compliments me,when I put them on.Its her almost crazy obsession,that makes me think of my mother..It was like my mum’s goal was to make sure I wore glasses all day long,so as to “decrease my power”.
As I lay in bed,cuddling with Aadi,helping her fall asleep,she snuggled up to me and called me by my childhood name and its not the first time,she’s called me by that name.The only people who ever call me by this particular name is my parents,and occasionally my aunt.My dad,and aunt haven’t addressed me by this name in front of Aadya..then,how I wonder does she know this name?And if its just a name of endearment,that she created,why doesn’t she use it for the DH?
I was still thinking these thoughts when she fell asleep.I sneaked out to the kitchen,to grab a glass of water.And what do I see on the kitchen window?A pale brown butterfly.At this time of the night! What is so special about the butterfly,you must be wondering.They say and we believe,that when a departed soul,of a loved one,is hovering near you,they appear in front of you,in the form of a butterfly.We,i.e.,my family started sighting this butterfly after my mom’s death..any time,there was a family gathering, or on important days,like birthdays,festivals,exams etc..Every time,we,the DH and I, moved into a new place,the butterfly was there to welcome us.When we had to do the unexpected road-trip,when I was 3 months pregnant..the butterfly was sitting on our windscreen,when not even a bird or insect was seen.And it was freezing outside.Call me crazy,call me superstitious,but when I saw the butterfly tonight,unknowingly,the first thought in my mind was,”Hi Mom!” ….And I had to write this post.
Somehow,it just explains,the unexplained peace,the unexpected closure to my mother’s death,that Aadi’s birth brought me..It also explains,why I never felt alone,when I was all alone,in the inital days,after she was born and the DH was stuck in work..It all makes sense..It does really.