Category Archives: Mommy-Me

Mommy guilt..Day 26..

4 years back when we had first moved to Melbourne,Aadi was a very very poor sleeper.And what was worse was that she took F.O.R.E.V.E.R to fall asleep. SD was working super-long hours,Aadi was super-clingy with me and I was literally lying in bed with her for 2-3 hours at a stretch,only to have her sleep and then wake up within 10 minutes of me slipping out of bed.Add to that equation an impossible neighbor and I was at my wits ends.
One time I had gone without rest for more than 2 days..the only rest I got was 5-6 hours of sleep each night. I snapped.The neighbor had taken to leaving notes on my door and I couldn’t take it anymore..When Aadi didn’t sleep,I picked her up and came out to the living room..She looked out the window and was scared of the dark.She started crying and I yelled at her.Its very rare that I yell at her when she is crying..I tell her off later and now,we argue..when she is throwing a tantrum..LOL! the joys of having a girl!
Anyway,she started crying and I yelled and she cried even louder..SD tried to take her away and she refused to go to him..I was ready to snap…SD pried her away from me,she continued screaming..I locked myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes..or may be 5..I don’t know.But when I came out,I was calmer..but she was still crying.I hugged her and we cried some more together..It was one of those moments when you feel so hopeless and helpless that you don’t know what to do with yourself. But it passed..and as soon as I cuddled her,she fell asleep. But I still feel guilty when I remember that night or when she is scared of the dark.
Anyway fast forward to 5 years later,tonight-Nanhi was so sleepy.She was literally walking into walls.I was trying to rock her to bed,and she kept sliding off my lap.SD tried to pick her up and she thrashed at him.Just sliding on the floor and thrashing and rolling.I picked her up and took her to the back door.I felt guilty,but I pointed out the door-“Do you want to go out there?”..”No”,she said.. “Ok then,go to sleep!”I told her..and surprisingly she just snuggled up and fell asleep and my guilt increased by 10 times. First about not being so patient with Aadi and second about introducing Nanhi to the darkness..:(
I thought a lot about putting this in words and about publishing these words,but I had to get it off my chest.Please don’t judge me…I am only a mom.My only consolation is that Aadi doesn’t care about the dark anymore..she now knows it gets dark because of the sunset.As for Nanhi,she is a fearless chickie.. I think when I asked her,if she wanted to go out there,she didn’t want to go bye-bye..I think! That and in a couple of years,she won’t remember this,just as Aadi doesn’t anymore..BUT,what about me? I don’t think I’ll ever get over it:(

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Mum of two-Day 20

Yes,by now its well established that I am mum of two.:) SD was home and Ms. Ananya had a cold and fever(she is cutting a new tooth!).So I left her home with him for school pick up.And at least 4 people asked me where she was.Forget about others,I felt weird walking with just one.

After school,we went grocery shopping-Aadya and I . Since Ananya came along,I can count the occasions on my finger-tips,when I went out without her.But having just one of them,on the grocery run made it so much easier.I found everything I needed from three stores and in less than 1 hour,we were done. Aadya had my full attention and so she didn’t mind walking around,because it was our special time. I only forgot the mayonnaise.Not bad,eh?

We came home from shopping and Ananya’s excitement at seeing us..Awww..it was so cute. She came to the door and I tried to pick her up,she pushed me away and followed her sister to their room..They cuddled and chattered on.And then,there was silence.One was on the bed lying down-tired from all the walking  and the other was sitting on the floor,pretending to read a book. 

Being a mum of two means its your job to break their fights-it doesn’t matter if they are 4.5 years apart. It is also your job to make sure you give them both the same of everything..even if they are 4.5 years apart. *smiles* But it also means that you get double the love,double the cuddles,double the kisses.. double of everything. 

They were trying out a new snack and I asked Nanhi to give me a taste.She said No! (No is her favorite word! She says No,when she wants to No;she says No,when she wants to say yes) Aadi offered me hers and immediately this monkey offered hers too. 

I was in the kitchen and Nanhi came running and grabbed my knees.I said,”I love you,Nanhi”,Ummmah she replied..and piped another voice..”Mumma do you love me also? “..”Yes I do baby..I love you,Aadi”,I replied…Ummmmahhhhhhh Ummmaahhhhhhhh.. See double of everything!

My days are crazy..my night are sleepless,but I love every moment of my crazy life as a mum of two..If I have another life,I’d happily chose this crazy chaotic mush,over any thing else in the world..:)

 

The one where I wanted the earth to open up and Swallow me!

If you are following My Sunshines on Facebook,you probably know that Anani is unwell..And if you are not,then why not?:D OK,I digress..

So,she started throwing up at 2:30 am this morning and generally was very poorly.Both SD and I were convinced that she is choking on something,based on the sounds that she was making.We called up the Dr.and he asked us to take her to the ER..So at 3:15 am,we woke up a very tired Aadi and bundled them both in the car and went to the ER..where the Resident-on-Duty,listened to her lungs and sent us home to come back,if she got sick again!

We came back and she threw up again!By then it was 4:30am and it was a matter of waiting for our Dr.’s Office to open.So,we waited.I got an appointment for her and we went in..got seen after nearly 1.5 hr of waiting..I don’t even know,why they bother with appointments!!! Anyway,so,she saw the Dr and went from this sick child to a bubbly cheerful bubba! No!Really! The Dr.said to me..’Oh Mum,if I look at this child..there is no way,I can believe that she is sick!’ I really like him..but today I snapped ..I had had no sleep..and after waiting 1.5 hours,with a cranky monkey..my sense of humor was lost somewhere in his waiting room.

So,he diagnosed it to be a tummy bug,from something that she might have eaten..Alright..all good..he even examined me and gave me a script,in case I catch it..ok all good. Then it was time to leave.And this monkey,refused to climb off his lap! The Good Dr.came out with us,carrying her.I asked her to come me and she just waved..Aadi asked her to come ‘Tata’ with us,she just waved..The Dr. asked her if she wanted to stay with him and she just said,’Yes’!!!!!!

That was too much for Aadi to take,she all but snatched her away from the Dr..and this cheeky monkey,wiggled out of her sister’s arms,down on the floor,pushed her legs apart and crawled through them..as if clawing her way back to safety and tugged at the Dr.’s trousers to pick her up..sneaking glances towards us,as if we,her own flesh and blood were strangers,trying to take her away !

By now,the all the people in the waiting room,the reception staff,everyone was watching..some were laughing loudly,others smiling politely..Me??I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me..LITERALLY!!! I muttered under my breath,’Great !First she makes a liar out of me..and then she embarrasses me..!!!’ The Dr.heard me..and laughed out loud..yeah .. really.. !If I had decided to leave her there,then,I don’t think he would be laughing!! Same goes for SD..who was laughing so hard,when I told him the whole incident!

Oh My God!It was scene out of those comedy movies..only it wasn’t funny,because it was happening to me! I finally retrieved my bratty toddler from the Dr..and she continued to do crocodile turns in my arms..till we got to the pharmacy..where her big sister decided it was her turn to argue and sulk about CANDY! I bribed them both with lollipops..right!Which one of you raised their eyebrows?  If you had been through those horrifying 10  5 minutes..you would be offering them the whole tub of M&M’s!!

Finally,meds paid for and we got into the car..lollipops were given..and I got 5 minutes of peace..on the drive home! Seriously..I thought Terrible two’s with Aadya were  scary.. but if Ananya’s 1 yo tantrums are anything to go by..I dread to even think about what her Terrible two’s would be like!

I love her so much!

I was laying in bed,feeling sick and sorry for myself,when she stirred.She opened her eyes,saw me next to her and moved closer..hugging me tight!

Now,as I breathe in the cocktail of olive oil,strawberries and sleepy baby smell-I stop feeling sorry for myself…instead I am grateful to be around to experience this heady feeling all over again…And yet again,I am amazed at how this tiny body fits as perfectly in my arms as the not-so-tiny-anymore body that I hugged a couple hours back,at school drop-off! Love you Ananya for being you!

Weekend fun and more..

Technically its late to write a weekend post,but in my defence..I was out all day Monday and resting trying to resist killing the tantrum-prone child,all day yesterday,had friends over for dinner and so,this is the earliest I can write about weekend fun!
Saturday started off early,with Sanj heading off for his cricket practice..and unfortunately for me,Aadi woke up with us..so,my day really started early.We did random stuff,read books,played blocks,finished brekky and Sanj was back.
After they had lunch,I was/am fasting for Navratri,we headed off to the mall.This time,I got lucky and Aadi dozed off in the car.I got a nice hour to myself..though,I couldn’t stop myself from feeling jealous that Sanj got it easy..Not fair,na..that I got the tantrum filled morning and he got the peaceful nap-time.
Anyway,I walked around and guess what I ended up shopping for the sleeping twosome-bought a late father’s day gift for Sanj..and started shopping early for Aadya’s christmas presents.
Sunday was a friend’s babyshower.. and my princess dressed up,like for real ..complete with bangles,payal,bindi,necklace everything..
The babyshower was quiet nice..I realised that I hadn’t attended any babyshowers other than my own.We got back home,dead tired..called it an early night.
Monday,I had a date..with a friend and I must say,it was a nice day.Co-incidentally,we ended up going to the same Mc.Donald’s where we met for the first time..only this time,Aneela’s baby was there too:) After a kid-friendly meal,we headed out to the shops..talked non-stop,got on the tourist shuttle,window-shopped some more..till it was time to say goodbye..until we meet again.That part I dont like..Aneela’s going to be away for a year..hopefully,we’ll still be here,when she comes back!
It was a treat watching Aadya and Arhaan together…how his eyes lit up,every time she spoke to him,how she wanted to touch him and kiss him,every other second..and at one time,Aneela was in a shop and I was pushing Arhaan’s stroller out the door,Aadya was walking I realised,thats just the picture I have in mind..hopefully…the picture will become reality soon.
Speaking off reality,I finally have an appointment with a Gynaec ..tomorrow..I dunno why I have a weird feeling like its a start of a new phase..may be it is,may be it isnt.Its my first visit with a PCOS specialist so,I don’t know what to expect..Its like starting all over again,sort of going to a new school…and making new friends all over again..Sigh..
Anyway,I leave you with this-
My Princess

My Indian Princess

Mommy Guilt

Mommy guilt strikes when you least expect it..
You see your baby gurgling and cooing happily at strangers and it rears its ugly head..And you start thinking”Oh may be she is bored of seeing me all day long-may be she will be happier if she was spending some time with others.”
You leave your baby with a sitter at the gym,tears streaming down her face,and there it is again,Mommy guilt-“I must be most selfish mom,leaving her crying child,with a stranger,so she can get some Me-time.”
The mother’s heart never stops breaking…be it over her child’s smiles or over her baby’s tears.
The latest heart-breaker in my list is little Aadya’s latest demand.Every morning when she wakes up,she demands for a BROTHER or a SISTER…depending on her mood that day.The reason being,two of her friends have a baby brother and sister each.And now,the Princess demands a Brother or sister of her own!!!!
My 2 year old? Really???If we ask her why she wants a brother or sister,she says to- huggie the said brother/sister.
Today she started her demand for a Sister,at nap-time.When I ignored,she went on to pretend cry.I ignored that too.So,little missy tells me,”Mummy,Aadya is crying”
I asked her,”Why baby?”
“Me want a Sister,Mummy not giving,Aadi crying,”Came the prompt reply.
What do you say to that??Mommy guilt kicked in and I felt all sad and mushy and cursed the damn PCOS .
And then,laughed at the whole thing…how a little 2 year old can hold your heart in her little fist and squeeze it ,while all you want to do is,squeeze her in your hug.