Category Archives: parenting
Everywhere I go,I see these cute toddlers,well dressed,hair nicely combed,hair clips in place,shoes and socks on.Oh! don’t they look oh-so-adorable..?
And then there is my toddler.Getting her dressed is such a BIG drama,every single time!If she had it her way,she would still be wearing the same t-shirt from 3 days back.Trying to change her clothes is nothing less than a feat. There is screaming-hers and mine , heavy panting-mine and angry crying-hers.
T-shirt tackled,time for pants/skirt- Rinse and repeat the drama mentioned above.Have ever tried to put some pants on a crocodile rolling in the mud?No?Really?I do it every single day! As soon as its time to put the pants on,the crocodile rolling starts..kicking and rolling..and God forbid if I pick out a pair of tights to go with the socks..the whole exercise is enough to make me start pulling my own hair !!
And there is no chance of putting on a dress.. doesn’t matter how pretty it is..doesn’t matter how cute she looks in it..Nope!She doesn’t do dresses..The rare occasions when she is distracted and I put one on her,she screams and cries and asks to take it off.
Oh and the hair!! Let me not even get started about that.. She hates getting her hair brushed…even before the hairbrush touches her hair,she starts saying”Owie” …LOL!I am not kidding..I try so hard,holding her between my legs or putting her on the bathroom bench top.. and finally she is dressed..fairly well dressed.
But by the time we get to our destination(even if its 5 minutes away!!)..the shoes & socks are kicked off,the hair clip is off and her curls have sprung.Seriously!What am I to do with her? I hope she’ll out grow this phase because I am seriously dreading her teenage years.
But she is such an adorable little thing..when we are not in the midst of all this drama,just looking at her is enough to turn me into a mush pot..As I was busy typing away this post,she was eating her snack..she came and sat next to me with her bowl of rice crackers and kept feeding me,one by one.:)
On that happy note,let me share with you something else that makes me happy..A Bunting.I finished this bunting yesterday.
The pattern for the hearts is from here.Its one of my favorite blogs these days.I love Jacquie’s tutorials and all the colors spread out on her blogs..definitely worth checking out 🙂
The Bunting is up for sale on my facebook page and will be going with me to the market stall,in October:) Not-so-subtle business plug..LOL!
I’ll back with another post soon…Trying to keep my head over the water…as life comes at me,yet again like a big wave,trying to drown me.
Yes,you read that right! 5 year olds can have troubles too.:)
There is a friendship gone bad..and that means war. There is a girl,lets call her B.So B and A(Aadi) used to be friends..and something happened.Another girl C,pushed A and B sided with C,upsetting A and ending the friendship. Now,everyday,A comes home with a story of how B,tried to blame her for something that she didn’t do or how B,turned the other girls against her.Today I was going to have a word with the teacher..but,she was away.I am torn,between saying something or letting the kids sort it out. There’s hardly a week left of school but these girls could be in the same class next year..I can’t make up my mind.
Yesterday she was the most upset that I’ve seen her.She was playing with her sister and then stopped to say..”I don’t know why we have to be in the same class..She is always so mean to me..” And this is my give-a-damn child.She has friends that she is very close too but when someone is being nasty towards her,she literally doesnt have the time for them! And the fact that its bothering her,means it is something more.
A week back,we were writing Christmas cards and she didn’t want to write a card for B and C and I convinced her that she should give them a card,because if she gave a card to everyone else,and not them,it won’t be kind. And she grudgingly wrote their names. But after yesterday,she plain refuses to give it.When I used the kind line again,she told me,”well she didn’t give me one..she didn’t care enough to save a lolly for me..so why should I?” Apparently,B told her that she didn’t have any lollies left..so didn’t give a card to her!
So do I teach her that ‘follow your heart and don’t worry about anything else’ OR ‘Keep everyone happy even if it makes you unhappy’
And then today another friend D,who really really loves her..you can see the joy on her face,when she sees A,handed out cards and left her out,because ‘her mom didn’t know how to write her name’…I wasn’t sure about D’s (name)spelling,so we left a card for her and was going to check with the teacher/her mum and because I hadn’t had a chance of doing that,we were not handing out cards. So,today A said quite nonchalantly D didn’t give me a card because her mum didn’t know how to spell my name..so I guess,we can hand out my cards,its ok,if you don’t know her name..again..what do I teach her-‘follow your heart and don’t worry about anything else’ OR ‘Keep everyone happy even if it makes you unhappy’ ??
You know what’s part of the problem?And its not even her problem.The problem is,that I have always been a ‘Keep everyone happy even if it makes you unhappy’ person and I have had my heart broken a lot of time,because of that.I don’t want her to end up like me.. giving so freely to the ones dear to me..not even realizing when they were trampling all over you..I have seen her heart breaking like mine too..when friends/relatives have moved away suddenly or when her parents’ friendships changed dynamics.So,then,what she is doing is the right thing,isn’t it?
SD said ‘let her make up her mind..let her decide,its her friends and she knows them better’…and I asked(and I worry) what if she grows into an uncaring person..SD just laughed and said,I was over-analyzing..May be I am..may be I am not..?
But,then the more I think,more I notice things..things like her waking up crying,because she is missing her friends who have gone overseas for a long vacation,things like she remembers and talks about people she met,when she was just 4.
Or like today,when I was busy running around,getting her lunch packed and SD was lying around in our camp-out living room bed.He called out to me and said,I want a cuddle.I said no I am busy..and Aadi asked me,’what does Papa want?’ When I said he wants a cuddle,she got up,put her milk cup away and gave him a cuddle..Both SD and I went ‘Awww’ and I felt my eyes prickle…and then there was that moment,when Nanhi was crying for the iPad,even before SD or I could pick her up,Aadi,gave her a hug and said,calm down Ananya…you can see it in 5 minutes,when the iPad is charged..did you say Awww..?I knowwwwwwwwww!!
Oh well,may be she will turn out alright..the signs are all there:) But,at least she won’t end up like her mom:)
sigh!Parenting is a tough gig!!
4 years back when we had first moved to Melbourne,Aadi was a very very poor sleeper.And what was worse was that she took F.O.R.E.V.E.R to fall asleep. SD was working super-long hours,Aadi was super-clingy with me and I was literally lying in bed with her for 2-3 hours at a stretch,only to have her sleep and then wake up within 10 minutes of me slipping out of bed.Add to that equation an impossible neighbor and I was at my wits ends.
One time I had gone without rest for more than 2 days..the only rest I got was 5-6 hours of sleep each night. I snapped.The neighbor had taken to leaving notes on my door and I couldn’t take it anymore..When Aadi didn’t sleep,I picked her up and came out to the living room..She looked out the window and was scared of the dark.She started crying and I yelled at her.Its very rare that I yell at her when she is crying..I tell her off later and now,we argue..when she is throwing a tantrum..LOL! the joys of having a girl!
Anyway,she started crying and I yelled and she cried even louder..SD tried to take her away and she refused to go to him..I was ready to snap…SD pried her away from me,she continued screaming..I locked myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes..or may be 5..I don’t know.But when I came out,I was calmer..but she was still crying.I hugged her and we cried some more together..It was one of those moments when you feel so hopeless and helpless that you don’t know what to do with yourself. But it passed..and as soon as I cuddled her,she fell asleep. But I still feel guilty when I remember that night or when she is scared of the dark.
Anyway fast forward to 5 years later,tonight-Nanhi was so sleepy.She was literally walking into walls.I was trying to rock her to bed,and she kept sliding off my lap.SD tried to pick her up and she thrashed at him.Just sliding on the floor and thrashing and rolling.I picked her up and took her to the back door.I felt guilty,but I pointed out the door-“Do you want to go out there?”..”No”,she said.. “Ok then,go to sleep!”I told her..and surprisingly she just snuggled up and fell asleep and my guilt increased by 10 times. First about not being so patient with Aadi and second about introducing Nanhi to the darkness..:(
I thought a lot about putting this in words and about publishing these words,but I had to get it off my chest.Please don’t judge me…I am only a mom.My only consolation is that Aadi doesn’t care about the dark anymore..she now knows it gets dark because of the sunset.As for Nanhi,she is a fearless chickie.. I think when I asked her,if she wanted to go out there,she didn’t want to go bye-bye..I think! That and in a couple of years,she won’t remember this,just as Aadi doesn’t anymore..BUT,what about me? I don’t think I’ll ever get over it:(
My child is a girl now.I think going to school made her realize that girls and boys are different. I still look at all 5 yos as 5 yos..not as girls or boys.They speak the same language-use the same phrases,speak in the same tone,play the same games ,like the same things..well may be not!
Ms.Aadya loves Ben10 and Skylander Giants and Transformers and then,she likes her Barbies and Little Ponies and Strawberry Shortcakes as well.And she likes them equally..sometimes I get the feeling that she loves the action figures more.She has a friend A and when she meets him they plan crazy missions,run and chase imaginary baddies and all that jazz.A has a sister T and Aadi sometimes takes turns playing action heroes and playing house.But lately,she enjoys action heroes more and poor T is left all alone when her brother and his friend are running around like screaming banshees..I feel so bad for Ms.T,because she is such a sweetie!I promise this is going somewhere.
Anyway,every Wednesday Aadi gets to take something special to school for ‘share time’.She then has to tell her classmates about her special thing and she usually starts by saying- This is my **** and I really love it!! And every week,on Tuesday night she sits in her room and goes through her things.Her hands hover over the action figures,she has a little play with them and then picks up something else. Yesterday,she was confused about what to take and I asked her what her favorite toy was and she said ‘Bungle Bee'(Bumblebee from Transformers) I said why not just take HIM and she said no..then the girls will think I like only boy toys.I said no Bumblebee is not just a boy toy.I like him too.
Anyway,after a long discussion,she decided to take him to school. And just as she was leaving,she said,”Mum,should I just say at share time that I like girl toys and boy toys…what if the boys think I don’t like girl things and the girls think I only like boy things.”
SD and I both started together..Bumblebee is not just a boy toy..everyone likes it..she wasn’t sure..so I told her a girlie secret..I said,”You know what there are tonnes of girls that like Bumblebee and action heroes..some are brave enough to say it,some aren’t..What about you?”
And she said,”I am brave…”and happily took him to school.I guess all I was trying to tell her was if you like something don’t be embarrassed of your choice..Don’t be embarrassed of what you like..Don’t be embarrassed of who you are!
She came back and reported excitedly that girl A and girl R and girl T like Bumble Bee too and the boy A and boy G and boy J,let her join in their special Ninjas club and she is the pink Ninja because pink is her favorite color.
She is going to take her Skylander Giant figurine next time and her Little Pony figurine the week after..Knowing her she will change her mind at least 5 times before next Wednesday,but if after today my little girl,my baby, is a little more comfortable in her skin..my job here is done 🙂
I remember going through this 4 years back..and the anxiety doesn’t get any lesser,the second time around.Ananya was due for her shots at 8 weeks, but the immunisation schedule in our area,didn’t work for us and so we ended up going for her shots today.
I told Aadya in the morning,that her sister was going to get poked and she made a sad face and hugged her close!*aww -a melt my heart moment*
It was a long wait and Ananya was awake for most of the time.She dozed off for a while but woke up again just in time for the vaccination.
Our number was called and we went inside.Sanj was holding her,and Aadi and I were fussing around her. I asked Aadi if she wanted to go for a walk,but she refused to leave Anzie alone.She got a balloon for being such a caring sister.
Sanj held her,the nurse gave her the oral drops first,then she jabbed her right thigh and after a quick band-aid..she jabbed another one in her left thigh!
OMG!she screamed..and screamed.I took her for Sanj’s arms and in two seconds she stopped crying 😀
P.S.-I was not going to write this bit.. Sanj just reminded me of it..or rather he taunted me..saying that I want to brag about my victory!!!LOL!
There is a little story behind his comment-When Aadi was a baby,everytime she got her shots or after I got her ears pierced(yes,Sanj still isn’t in favor of it!)-she would bawl her heart out and cling to SANJ! No matter what I did that time,she would want him and him only.And today,Anzie clung to me.. and she calmed down in literally 2 secs!!! and she has been clinging to me..all day..Didn’t even want to sleep,if I wasn’t holding her..and even when I was holding her,she just kept looking at my face..touching my face-Need I say,I am in Mommy heaven!
As for Sanj,he has been saying,to me every chance he gets,that I must have prayed really hard for the last 4 years to get this baby,who clung to me and not to him!!LOL!!!
Anyway,she is sleeping now and doesn’t need to be poked again,until Dec…we can all breathe easy till then.
And I am sooo soo excited!!
Today,after Babushka woke up from her nap,she was sitting in my lap! Ohh Look! I made a rhyme!!LOL!
And just before,she climbed up,Babykins had jammed her hand or leg at an angle and somehow I knew that he/she is going to kick now.. OMG! I must have just finished the thought and came a solid kick-from my tummy to Babs!!
Babs opened her eyes and frowned,I told her it was the baby.. and a smile lit up her face-just as I knew,it would!
I loved,loved the moment.. and the fact that I knew,what both my babies were going to do at the very moment-I can’t even put it in words,how that made me feel!!
A couple months back,there was a story being forwarded…about how a father was watching his little girl ,while the mother was out running errands. When the mother came home,the father gloated..”I don’t know why you complain about her being a brat and troubling you..We spent the last few hours happily,without any tantrums or yelling.”
The mother was quite impressed and asked him,what they did,while she was away.”Oh,we just had a tea-party”,beamed the father.And just then,the little girl walked in,carrying a little tea-cup,the father slipped out his pinkie,like she had taught him and drank the said tea!
It was only then,the mother asked him,why did he give her water to play with..and the father replied,”Oh no,she is clever,she got it herself..”And the mother could not stop LAUGHING-Well,because the only place the little girl could get water was from the toilet BOWL!
SD had fwded this story to me and we had a good laugh over it..and then,sometime last week,I had a particularly hard day with Babushka..she was literally on me..all the time..because I didn’t let her watch TV all day long. She was bugged and I was irritated.. When SD came home,I told them both to leave me alone and entertain each other.I was resting,when I realised the house was quiet..the TV was off and there were no tantrums. I came out to see SD was working/playing on his laptop and Babs was quietly playing in her room..I asked him,”what did you say to her?” SD gloated,”Oh..you just have to have the knack to keep her happy”..Just then,Babs walked out with a cup of tea for SD.. he happily drank it and asked for some more! I asked him,as to why he gave her water,because she is not allowed water-play in her room! And he goes,”Oh no no I didnt give her..she took it herself”..And then it was my turn to laugh and laugh…and a confused SD asked me,what was so funny? I asked him to ask Babs where she got the water from??
And the look on his face,when she told him,PRICELESS!!
Luckily for him,she is a clean freak and helped herself to the water from the bathroom tap and not from the toilet bowl!!LOL!
BTW, to give credit to SD,there was no screaming or anything,if anything,he took it in his stride and just gulped and said,”oh well,anything for my princess”.. Needless to say,he doesn’t like playing tea-party anymore!!LOL! LOL!!
I am feeling so thankful today:) First this and then-
Something that was weighing on my mind for a long time,has resolved itself,with just a little effort on my part.
I have mentioned over and over how tedious it is for me to take Babushka to Kinder and back.Her current Kinder is really really nice.The teachers are awesome and she has made a few friends there. But,as the time of my delivery is getting closer,the stone on my heart is growing heavier and heavier!Her continuing kinder was dependent completely on my getting the driving licence.I am getting more and more confident about driving..but still till I don’t have the licence in my hand,its all iffy. And my drive test is only at the end of June..so,anything can happen between now and then!
Anyway,when I took admission in this current Kinder,I also put Babushka’s name on the wait-list for a kinder closer to home.This new kinder is in the town center-our main shopping center-which has the library,doctor’s office,post office,cafes,grocery stores everything. So,even if someone has to kill 3-4 hours there,its not difficult.This is about 15-20 minutes walk from home..not hop-skip and jump,but beats taking the bus and leaving an hour early.
When I put her name on the wait-list,the enrolment officer told me,not to have too many hopes. Even friends around told me the same thing.I thought,well lets see.. and left it at that.
After the cramps on this day,I called up the Enrolment officer again for a follow up and she said,there was quite a long list and she asked me call again in a couple weeks.
And I called again,on this Monday.And she said that she was going to rework a new list,but she didn’t think,Bab’s name would come up so quickly..She asked me to try and manage for some more time..
That day,I really gave up. I did consider hiring someone as mother’s help to pick and drop her..now and later,when the baby comes..but somehow couldn’t wrap my mind around it. And more than me,SD was freaking out,letting her go with a total stranger. One of her friend’s parents are helping me with pick up,but seriously,I was feeling very very obligated..they are really nice people but,I am not used taking/asking for help or favors.And once in a while is OK,but not when its a long term situation.So anyway,I made up my mind that if for some reason,I don’t get my licence,then,I will pull her out of Kinder for the rest of the year or at least whole of next term.
And then,yesterday afternoon,the enrolment officer called up and said,they had a spot to offer,but it was one hour less per week compared to her current Kinder..would I be interested? Of course,I was! So,starting Next week,Babushka goes to the Kinder near our home..I will still be walking nearly the same distance,but I can just leave 20-30 minutes early,and get there in plenty of time..no depending on the crazy suburban transport system.
And you know,what? Now,when I go for my drive test,I will go solely to get my licence..and not to get a solution for my life’s biggest challenge!LOL!Phew!one less thing to stress about!
I don’t know how the new teachers are going to be and how the new class-mates are going to be..and to be honest,I did panic momentarily,thinking what if Babushka hates me for this..but,I guess kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. I just hope this is the right decision..but,whatever it is,I am really thankful,that this came about,specially at a time like this.
Someone up there is really watching over me!
Yesterday was the first time,I took Aadya to school,by myself.For the last 2 weeks since Kinder started,I have had the husband and willing friends drop/pick us up! I decided enough was enough..how difficult could it be..I used to do it before..why not now. Well,I was wrong.We left in plenty of time and I asked Aadya to walk a little bit,before sitting in the stroller. It is quite a long walk- 1.5 km from home to the bus stop.So far,I have always taken her in the stroller..it was unfair of me to expect her to walk,just because I was incapable of pushing her.
Anyway,we started-me pushing the stroller,her bag on it,and she skipping next to me.We walked the first stretch and she said,”Mummy,I am tired.” I asked her to sit.Most of the walk is uphill..By the time,I walked 5 minutes,I was panting.I still continued..another 5 mins,by now,I started cramping.I asked her to get down. She cried,”But I am tired…” I didn’t want her to tire out too much ..it was a long day at school..but I had no strength to push. I tried again nicely..she said,the same thing again..The cramps,the urgency of reaching the bus stop in time(if we missed the bus,the next one was after 45 minutes-and we would be late for school)-all this irritated me.And I told her,very nastily-“You are not a good helper..Mummy is in pain and you are not helping me”.She felt very bad.I knew it that those words were hurting her…even as I was saying them..but,I couldn’t stop myself.I should have.
She got down and tried to take her bag with her.I yelled at her,thinking the bag would slow her down..and she whined…”But I just want to help you,Mummy”..as the minutes were ticking,my panic and frustration was rising…I told her..”No,its fine..just sit in the stroller.”
“No Mummy,I will walk”,she said and started walking.I was able to walk comfortably too.But,I heard her sniffling.I looked at her and saw her little lips quiver-My poor baby,was trying so hard to not cry! Gosh!it broke my heart!What kind of a horrible mother am I!!! I took her hand and we walked together..I asked her why she was crying..and she said,”Because you are not happy with me,and I want to make you happy.” That one line,became my undoing.
That one line brought back one memory-thats still fresh in memory,despite it being so many year.. I think I must 6-7 and my sister was sick-she was throwing up that day.It was the second time in less than one hour.Mom was in the kitchen,she came running to clean her and lost her balance.I saw her slipping and at the same time,ran out the door to our neighbours’ to ask if they had any medicine to make my sister better.When I came back,Mom was furious.She yelled at me for running away,when she fell down and my sister was crying.I tried to tell her,why I had gone,but she was angry and my sisters screams did nothing to calm her…until,she saw the medicine,I was clutching in my small hand.And then,she felt horrible.She hugged me and said sorry..and told me,that sometimes grown ups said things they didn’t mean..but that incident is still in my mind..and I don’t want Aadya to remember this incident!
I stopped there..told her I was very happy with her..I was just angry because we were getting late and I was in pain. She rubbed my belly and asked me if it was all better..I said,yes,it was getting better.We walked hand in hand and made it to the bus-stop with 5 minutes to spare..I asked her to sit in the stroller and gave her some nuts and water..She was fine after that..but my guilt hasn’t left me alone..I still keep seeing her quivering lip and keep hearing her,broken voice saying “I want to make you happy”…I feel horrible.. horrible.
I am not going to take the bus with her for a while-that makes me sad too..because,she really looks forward to our bus rides together…I booked a cab for pick up time today.I feel horrible…I wish and hope I get my licence soon.. 😦
In our living room,on a table rest two photos-Photos of both pairs of Aadya’s grandparents.Until recently,she used to recognise everyone,but her Nani.In her mind,Nani is her Aani..my aunt.Why Aani,I will tell you- when we were small,we watched a pakistani drama,about two girls,who used to call their aunt(masi)-Aani.After their parents death,they went on to live with her.The Aani,was so like our aunt and we wanted to call her Aani..but our suggestion was vetoed by mom..and we sulked.
When Aadi came along,instantly,both sis and I said,she will be Aani for Aadi…and thats what she is.Aani has tried to make her say Nani..but she just goes on to call her Aani..and its a fond word for us all.
So,back to the post..Nani for Aadya is Aani..and Aani is truly the best grandma ever..and she does all that my mom would have done for her..and sometimes she does even more than that..But,it used to break my heart,that she didn’t know her nani.
I asked her one day,’Do you know that is in the picture?’ She recognised her Nanu and asked me if that was Aani.Mom and aunt resemble each other.So,I told her,she is her Nani..my mumma.She asked me,’is it Aani?’ I told her Aani is my masi and this Nani is my mumma.
She wanted to know where my mumma was..I told her she was at Jai-Jai Bappa’s house.Damn..why does it still hurt so much..?
Anyway,on the day of her b’day,we were going to the temple..and she wanted to know whats a temple and we said,its Jai-Jai Bappa’s home.Suddenly she was very excited..”WOWWWWW..I am going meet my Aani..Aani is going to pick me up..” We told her Aani is in Bombay..”No picture-wali Aani”,she insisted..”you told me,Aani is in Jai-Jai Bappa house..”
I had a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat.I said..no no not the temple home,the real home,in the sky..
She wanted to know,how Aani can stay there..?We told her there was a big house for her there…Anyway,we got to the temple..attended the Aarti and we ready to leave.She refused to leave.She wanted to see her Aani..That was all I could take.I didn’t know what to answer her.DH picked her up and pointed to the sky..asked her to look for the brightest star..when she did,he told her thats your Aani.
“Really?? “,she asked excited.She then wanted Aani to come in her car..DH was so calm..he told her to look out the windshield and see the moon..when she did,he told her,Aani is right next to the moon and she will be waiting for us at home.
As soon as we got home,she got out of the car and looked at the sky..she was happy to see the moon and her Aani.She tells us,Twinkle star Aani comes to her at night and tells her to go to sleep and not trouble her mumma-papa.
Today we recieved her b’day gift from Nanu and Masi and Nanu also sent pictures of Aani..Since then,she has been excitedly showing her Twinkle star Aani to everyone on the phone and webcam..Life is good now.