Dear Lady in Black,sitting next to us at Costco,
Didn’t anybody ever tell you that staring is rude? Really,nobody??I have never seen anybody glare at a kid,like you did,EVER!! That too at somebody else’s kid!
And if a 4 year old’s chatter bothered you so much,I really pity your kids.Actually,that just explains,why your two beautiful girls were sitting next to you,with sullen faces.
Next time,mind your own business and direct your stares to your own kids and leave my kid alone.
Hmm..where do I begin?
Let me start at the end..the end of my day.The night,is the most frustrating part of my day.Aadi’s bedtime routine,has me pulling my hair each night.I have tried everything..tried putting her to bed early..bath and massage,reading,quiet time..everything.No matter what I do,she takes her own sweet time to sleep..sometimes more than 1 hour..and with every passing minute my temper keeps rising..and almost every night,I have to scream/smack/blackmail her into sleeping.And every night I hate myself for it.
Starting tomorrow,we start again,to get her to sleep soon and without stress for any of us.As I type this..its 11.15 and I can still hear her talking. For now,I am not even thinking of moving her out of our bed..actually,I am going to poll this. Please take a moment to cast your vote.
Another thing which is on my mind today is a letter from the hospital.My GP had referred me to the Women’s Hospital for specialist consultation.And I waited and waited and suffered all those months..and finally got an appointment after 3 months.I saw the Gynaec,who ordered an U/s and some blood work and asked me to come back after that.The next time,after 2 months-The endocrinologist and the Gyn saw me for 10 minutes each..The Endo ordered another battery of test and asked me to come after a month.The Gyn-well she didn’t even discuss the U/s…only when I asked,she told the results which were abnormal..and all she had to say was,come back in 3 months..and then we’ll see.Today,I got a letter from the Endo,saying that appointment has been postponed to May end-which will be nearly 8 months from the day,I got my referral from the doctor.And now I feel is it really worth it??
When I met the Gyn and endo last time,I came out,feeling so disturbed and scared and very very disappointed.When you go to see a doctor,you expect them to have some answers for you..if they don’t know the answers,they should know of ways to find them,isn’t it?I am so glad,I was meeting Goofy that day,after the doctor visit.I was in a state and meeting and talking to her,really helped me calm down and see things from a different prospective.
And now lastly,mini-rant-Its my birthday on Friday.And I want DH to take the day off.I think special days should be celebrated.I asked him two weeks back and he said YES..I even made an appointment at Aadi’s school.Yes,my baby starts school in April,once a week,for 3 hours.They wanted us to bring the form personally and meet the teacher too.And now he says,he is not sure.For all you know,he might take the day off as well..but what I don’t like is,him not telling me till the last day.That’s how it is always.He just never wants to take off.And even when he does,he just tells me,that morning.What if I have other plans..or want to make some other plans.I don’t want to spend my day along at home.I told him..if he cant take off,he should tell me in advance,so I can plan something else..What something else,he asks.Tuesday is over and he still hasn’t told me anything.I want to make other plans with a friend and now cant till he doesnt give me an answer.And then,when I am soo mad..then he
will do try to do something sweet and annoy me even more. OK rant over.
Oh no wait,one last bit..and that will be the cherry on top..we went to the park today and guess who comes lumbering over..A big black alsatian.All by itself.Aadi and I were resting on the bench..he came running towards us and hid behind the bench.My heart was beating so fast.Aadi was getting fidgety too.I love dogs,but not huge beasts,breathing down my neck,with no owner in sight.some other couple was walking their pups,I asked them,if it was theirs..they said no..and didnt even know,whose dog it was.I spoke softly to Aadi,reassured her ,asked her to walk slowly..The dog got up too and started walking towards us.and then,something caught its eye..a furry white ball..our neighbours Pom..he ran towards it.I gathered Aadi and her toy pram and almost ran home.
How irresponsible is that.?Leaving your pet wild in a place where there are going to be small kids!! Very irresponsible I think..and very scary too!
Has it ever happenned to you,that the whole day slip off and at nigt,at bed-time,you find your mind full of so many thoughts?Thoughts of unfinished works,thoughts of goals set? And then you realise that you are running out of time. And this running out of time leaves you so restless that you can’t sleep. And when you can’t sleep you cannot wake up early,to gain extra time.
Please tell me,it has happenned with atleast one of you.Every night,for the past 10 days or so,I find sleep eluding me.I try to think,work out a strategy..for its at that time,that my mind presents me the list of things that need to be done.Its at that time that I remember all that I want to blog about..but the thoughts are swimming in my mind..going round and round around my head..I know..coz its almost like I am watching from outside!OK! now,I sound positively Cuckoo,even to myself.There are so many blog posts in my mind..I thought of writing them on a piece of paper,at 3 times in the last two days..but didn’t!Like I said,the thoughts are going around in circles,around my head!I keep thinking,I want to write a post..but all I do is lurk at blogs(sorry,I will start leaving comments again soon) and refresh my FB page like they are going to announce some earth-shattering piece of news there!
Two days back,as I was lying in bed,waiting to sleep,I remember the last set of clothes that needed ironing and hanging in the cupboard..I got up and went to the spare room and picked up the clothes..but the quiet in the house was soo eerie,I crept back in bed,waiting for sleep to come to me.And as I type this,I can’t stop thinking about the 4-5 hangers that are still hanging in Aadya’s cupboard.They need to be shifted to the study.Now,its not something that can’t be done tomorrow..then,why can’t I stop thinking about it?
Am I losing my mind?or have I turned into one of those OCD types?
Please tell me,its normal..May be its all those late nights and sleep-ins over the holidays..,eh?
Why is it so hard for the man to understand that being a full-time mom,is not easy?
Why is it so hard for the dad to give the tired mom a break?
Why is it so important to play games on the phone,after you have had a nice time,at a party,with friends and colleagues,while,I spent more than 12 hours,being a single mom..?
While I understand that you want to rest after a stressful week at work,why is it that I have to explain to you,that the longer you work,the harder I work too?
Why dont you realise-That you have the uninterrupted travel-time,coffee-breaks,etc while,my JOB goes on non-stop from the time OUR daughter wakes up to when she goes to bed,and sometimes even after that,when she wakes up with a nightmare?
Why do I have to spell out my need for a break,every few days?
And lastly,why do you think,just saying sorry and not doing anything to improve the situation,will solve everything?